apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
