he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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