We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I got chris browned last night
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
