Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
