I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
