you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
