I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
