Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
