im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize