I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
