Is it because I queefed?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
