i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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