you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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