why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I am naked and annoyed.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
