I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
