Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
