I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
