So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you win again, gameday.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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