i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
