my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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