I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
