I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
