Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize