Its about making memories worth repressing
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
