I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
