Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
