I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
