dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
