Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
