Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
