My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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