so that wasnt chicken after all
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
