How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
