I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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