So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
