i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Drunk is not a location!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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