I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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