remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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