I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
send nudes
from the living room?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
