Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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