Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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