I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
porn star boner night. come get it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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