So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
