Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
