so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
