you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We have started to decorate penises.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
