I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
