I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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