Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
