im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
