Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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