I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
