I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
