We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
