I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
