Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
