u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
