is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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