Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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