Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
