im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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