No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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