My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
