It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
