He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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