just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
3 2 1 whiskey
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
