After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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