Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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