cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize