home. puking in laundry basket.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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