You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize